If I were to describe my life right now, the word that comes to mind is “worn”. If I were to put together a soundtrack for this season of my life, the top song would be Worn by Tenth Avenue North. The theme of my life: Worn. Weary. Burdened. WORN.
The dictionary defines worn as “damaged and shabby as a result of much use”, which is exactly how I feel right now. I know I may be exaggerating a bit. This is only a season of my life. There are plenty of smiles and happiness in my days. I am surrounded by people who love me and take up for me. Yet somehow the little things seem to add up to big burdens. It’s not even the big things. It’s the 3 year old who didn’t quite get enough sleep. The almost 2 year old who constantly wants to be held. The body that is aching from carrying our unborn son for seven and a half months. The lack of a full nights sleep. The pile of toys. The pile of dishes. The pile of laundry. It is the challenges of working and ministering to others when I’m not even sure how I myself am doing. It’s feeling like I’m on an emotional roller-coaster some days and not knowing if it is simply pregnancy hormones or if it might be from stress. It’s hearing the doctor say that my test came back a little too high or a little too low. It’s having to take another test. It’s having irrational fears about this pregnancy because it feels so different from my others. It’s wondering if they actually are irrational fears or if there is really reason to be concerned. It’s not knowing. It is the little things that add up to BIG burdens.
How quickly I forget about God’s word…
Psalm 119:28 (NIV)
My soul is weary with sorrow,
Strengthen me according to your word.
I often fail to turn to the bible for encouragement, even though there is SO much to be had. I am quick to get caught up in my troubles here and now and forget to set my sights on heaven. I forget that I should not be the center of my world, but that I serve a greater purpose and an even greater God. I forget that the God I serve loves me and cares for me and wants to be my source of hope and strength.
Isaiah 40:28-31 (ESV)
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
29 He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
30 Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
31 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.
I forget that all I have to do it ask and He will empower me to do what I have been called to do; that He desperately wants me to wait on Him so that He can renew my strength.
Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened,
and I will give you rest.
Colossians 3:2 (ESV)
Set your mind on things that are above,
not on things that are on earth.
It is so easy for me to judge the Israelites for their lack of faithfulness as they wandered through the desert, but I am no more faithful than they were. Even under better circumstances, I lose faith, and chances are I am not the only one.
Jesus, help us not to lose sight of Your purpose for our lives. Helps us to store up for ourselves treasures in heaven rather than focusing on the trivial things of this earth. Help us to “consider it pure joy… whenever we face trials of many kinds” because we have the privilege of doing it for Your Glory. Jesus, help us not to get caught up on ourselves, but to live in selfless humility as you did. Amen.