There are things I find easy in my walk with God, and there are things that are so difficult that I feel my smallness and wonder if exposed if it would mean I’m actually less than in the eyes of others who I respect and admire and feel are strong in those things.
One thing I’m absolutely horrible in is reading the Bible. I’ve read passages, and I’ve read the books, and memorized verses…but it doesn’t stick or resin with me like it does others. I can so easily get lost in the lineage alone, or start to daydream about it and create a scene in my head and than totally forget to finish what I was actually intending. However, I absolutely love hearing people’s interpretation of the Bible, or digging deeper and explaining what it would look like in the now. Mark, Scott, David, and Stacy explain things so well, and have a way of breaking down the passages making it more “real” and understandable.
It’s great to come in on Sunday and have people who are so passionate and thirsty for knowledge to share that with our church. Then, to also have the opportunity to be a part of small groups and dig even deeper into the Bible and have almost like a round table conversation about the Bible and the part your group has focused on. It makes me more passionate in my weakness. It makes me encouraged to learn and not just go on what I’m told. It opens my mind to other people’s perception and brings you closer as a community. My vulnerability becomes a bridge to comfort and thirst for more. It creates a closeness and a family in the church that transformed how I viewed church altogether.
My other big weakness is Faith. I’ve never been strong in having Faith. One of the big things that first drew me to my husband was his flow of positivity that stemmed from his unyielding Faith. I was inspired by how much faith he had. My grandmother was the only other person I knew that had this unyielding Faith. Then we branched out and started becoming more involved at church, and communicating with others at church that some were of the same weakness as myself and others are so passionate in this area that it brought new perspective to me.
Though I’m weaker and I get hit with something, I instantly go to “what can I do, or do I need to do to take care of this.” I try to take it on myself. I’m not the first to ask for help, or say I need something.
The other part of faith is trust. It’s kind of a balance beam and they work together when it comes to God and Him trying to build you up out of your weakness. It’s so hard for me to let go, trust in Him, and have Faith in what he is doing in my life. I fall into chaos and panic, before having trust and faith in God.
I can honestly say, that through my husbands example and relationships that we have built in our church family that I am not only aware of my weakness, but have a desire and passion to let go, and trust in Him. I’ve gotten stronger in my faith, still not what I would consider strong, but definitely stronger. Being that I have known things from growing up in church, I can say that it’s been in adulthood and parenthood that I have truly developed an understanding of the things I’ve always been taught or told. I always was told it’s important to go to church and be apart of that community, but it wasn’t until I actually let my guard down and truly became apart of a community that I understood why it’s necessary. It says
“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” – Matthew 18:20 ESV
So when we come together, in church, small group, or youth group/events; he’s there with us, and all we have to do is be open for what He has for us. Whether it be in a scripture you didn’t get the 5 times you read it in the past and the pastor just made the light bulb go off when they explained it, or through sharing your vulnerability with others who came out of that same spot, or being an example or light to someone who is new and doesn’t know God…it all becomes more clear, powerful, and uplifting when you have become apart of a like desired community to serve God.
So I leave you with this, where are you with God? Where are you with yourself? Where are you with having built or becoming part of a community? Finally, what is it going to get you to where you want to be?